In Which CR Biker Becomes Weird Al

Anybody out there play the accordion? Or own a weird off-color straight-hair wig?

Or is cinematic enough to imagine some scenes for a music video for this song? Because it was hot today and because grandchildren were visiting, CR Biker didn't ride, so instead I completed round one of the lyrics for my “Waking up on RAGBRAI” version of “Waking Up in Vegas.”

I'm betting that for many of you, “Waking up in Vegas” is a pretty familiar ear worm, so just imagine Katy Perry's boisterous voice belting out these words:

Waking Up on RAGBRAI

You've got to help me pump.
I've got a flat tire now.
Where is your patch repair? Is there a spare tube in there?
You lost your chain lube in Sac City.

Why am I wearing your bike shorts?
Don't eat that raw meat
You want to pack and peddle out of town

CHORUS:
Don't be a granny.
Remember what you told me
Shut up and shove your feet back in your toe clips,
That's what you get for waking up on RAGBRAI
Stand up and wring the sweat out of your Jersey
That's you get for waking up on RAGBRAI

Riding across Iowa now.
I've eaten more pie that ever. Can you carb load with beer?
Why aren't there Indians in Cherokee?
Don't you pop a wheelie.
Just keep on pedaling.

CHORUS:
Don't be a granny.
Remember what you told me
Shut up and shift down into first gear,
That's what you get for waking up on RAGBRAI
You smell just like your armpits
That's what you get for waking up on RAGBRAI

Is this a porta poty?
Or just an Iowa field?
Send out an SOS
And get me a cold one
We're going to bike out of town

CHORUS:
Don't be a granny.
Remember what you told me, you told me, you told me
Shut up and tighten up your brakes now,
That's what you get for waking up on RAGBRAI
Stand up and wring the sweat out of your Jersey
That's you get for waking up on RAGBRAI
Wring the sweat, wring, wring, wring the sweat, c'mon!
Give me some sweet corn baby
Give some fresh pie, honey